Schizocedric – Chapter Three

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Cedric:
Brain, I don’t ask you to do much –

Brain:
You ask me to do everything.

Cedric:
Shut up. I don’t ask you to do much, but please, don’t screw around studying for tomorrow’s midterm. I can’t fail this test.

Brain:
Bro, when have I ever let you down? This is Brain you’re talking to. The cerebellum. The thinking parts. This is the shit I live for. This is my raison d’etre. See? I even used French right now. That’s how all about studying for this test I am.

Cedric:
So you promise not to just spend the next twenty four hours watching Youtube videos and scrolling through facebook?

Brain:
Bruh…

Cedric:
Alright, I trust you.

Twenty four hours later

Cedric:
What the hell brain? I trusted you!

Brain:
Zzzz … So many cats… So fluffy…. Zzz

Cedric:
Okay gut, it’s up to you.

Gut:
Fuck yeah. Bring it on. The best physics is done intuitively anyways. And this shit ain’t rocket science. Pfftt, you probably didn’t even need to study.

Cedric:
Alright. Here’s the first question: “NASA is trying to develop a remote controlled vertical landing system. Based on the following transfer function below determine if they will be successful. State your assumptions.”

Gut:
So it literally is rocket science. Huh.

Cedric:
Oh god, I’m gonna fail…

Gut:
No worries kid. Just let me take another look at that equation…. Mm hm… And at that word problem…. Right… And the equation again… Okay.

Cedric:
Well?

Gut:
Well, I think it’s safe to say that you are going to need to use math to solve this. Unfortunately that’s not really my department.

Cedric:
Shit.

Professor:
Shh.

Cedric:
Sorry.

Brain:
Huh, where are we? Oh is it test day already?

Cedric:
Thank god. Okay. Please tell me you remember something from the lectures.

Brain:
I remember that we slept through a lot of them.

Cedric:
Not funny man. We went to a couple. You have to remember something.

Brain:
Ooh. I remember that the answer to the logarithm is the exponent.

Cedric:
That was from high school three years ago. How does that help now?

Brain:
I dunno. Hold on. Let’s ask Heart what we should do!

Cedric:
No don’t get him involve-

Brain:
Hey heart. How should we solve this problem?

Heart:
*Sobs*

Gut:
Well, he was no help.

Brain:
We might as well bullshit something. Gut, it’s you and me buddy. Let’s save Cedric’s lazy ass.

Cedric:
But you’re the one who let me down in the first place!

Ass:
And I do a buttload of work around here compared to you too!

Brain:
Shhh. We’ll talk about who screwed who over later as we’re getting drunk so we can forget about this miserable experience and therefore learn nothing about waiting until the last minute to prepare for a make or break test.

Cedric:
……

Brain:
Right. Hands, we need you on board for this. Begin drawing an integral. The squiggle gives me a good feeling. And throw in some Laplace transforms. And write down the given information. And arrows! Arrows everywhere! Yeah, I bet that’s at least two of the ten marks right there!

Hands:
Huh? Oh we’ve been drawing dicks and unicorns for the past thirty minutes now.

Professor:
Times up!

Cedric:
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

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